Okay so I was sharing too much stuff, mostly on Facebook (Ugh… why oh why do I keep returning to Facebook? (See: FACEBOOK! Argggghhhh!!!! or You are SOOOO Annoying!!or even Facebook Hypocrisy). When I started this blog (how many times have I started posts with that line?) I was thinking about the future, a time when I’m gone, I was thinking about regrets and mistakes in life. I also wanted to think about accomplishments in life. I have always either kept or wanted to keep a diary. As a kid I kept a diary (See: Can you Hear me Now?) actually several diaries over the my childhood. Some I would get bored with (How many times can you write “Nothing much happened today.”?) and others my mother would throw away. As I got a little older and word processors and Computers eventually became a staple in every household I started keeping my thoughts (diaries and journals) electronically. But those devices either went out of date or crashed, file extensions became useless (Remember Lotus? I didn’t think so…) so those were lost as well. Later (in my 30’s) I kept a really nifty printed journal that I typed in Word and put each page in a binder. But then I discovered my husband as well as a temporary roommate were reading it when I wasn’t around. (Is nothing sacred?). So I stopped maintaining the “printed” version. I do still have it, but when I read back the pages were about as clever as my “Nothing much happened today” writing of my childhood memories. Just a bunch of garbage.
Then I started posting my thoughts in blog form (perhaps still a bunch of garbage, but at least most my posts have “some” meat to them and aren’t just single lined entries indicating the monotony of my life) which all lead to my starting “Turning Things Around” back in 2013 sometime. Actually let me insert in here that before “Turning Things Around” that at first my use of Facebook became my diary. I thought “Wow what a wonderful means of keeping and sharing my thoughts.” but my (ahem) “friends” ended up making life miserable for me through that medium so I started this blog. My mistake with the blog was that I didn’t stay anonymous, I shared it with my friends and family and didn’t hide my thoughts and feeling. I figured that unlike Facebook where every though is thrown into our Friends’ faces they would have to go specifically to this site to read my posts and who would be that interested? Well unfortunately there were several that were interested and as I reread some of posts I would think “Why did I say that?”. I mean it was just stuff (Like JUST BURN THE DAMN COUCH!) that I didn’t need to share. I mean sometime my anger posts would just make things worse, I would post something to get it off my chest and it would just ruffle feathers. (I hope what I’m saying here makes sense because right now I’m writing without thinking and without any direction).
My interest in blogging comes and goes in spurts. Right now I have probably a middle of the road interest, a few months back I was totally into it, recording my thoughts using voice recognition on my phone into Google Docs and then converting it daily. Since then I’ve gotten a little bored. I think the boredom comes with my Debbie Downer attitude of most my posts, this helps me understand sometimes why people don’t like to be around me, if I can get myself imagine how I must make others feel. I look back on the posts after the New Year and shortly before and everything is “Woe is me” and “My life is horrible”. I’m feeling better these days and it could be a combination of things. I’ve taking the Celexa medication with is supposed to balance the chemicals in my head to help me deal with some of the anxiety but I think I might need to readdress this with the doctor because I’m feeling better but I’m still having numerous mild panic attacks. They aren’t as bad as they were shortly after I stopped drinking as per my New Years Resolution and I’m not sure if that’s because I anticipated this horrendous fight with the “alcoholic” side of me versus the “sober” side of me. I know that I was stressing in anticipation of going 5 months without a drink.
Okay so I’m posting on WordPress and not hiding who I am then I started becoming concerned. It seems like the U.S.A. is tightening its laws. People can be sued and jailed for expressing their freedom of speech these days and I think its a matter of time for the 1st Amendment will become a right only to be expressed at our dictator’s will and our first ever and current dictator is not very tolerant. Because I was seeing the writing on the walls I decided that I wanted to start a more anonymous blog. There were several notions behind the decision to be less obvious about my identity number one being I was expressing a lot of views on Facebook, mostly pro-Clinton and even though a majority of my friends were also Clinton supporters I think I may have over done it. I believe a lot of people stopped following me so they could avoid my posts. And two because I believe that the as I previously noted American’s are losing our ability to speak freely. My goodness we have a President and First-Lady (Dictator and (BLEEP)) (I had to be bleeped because these people are sue happy.) who will sue the people they represent because they don’t like what’s being said about them or they might lose business using their Government titles to produce clothing and jewelry lines, and cosmetics and perfumes. Take the money off of someone with a limited income who simply repeated that he heard the First Lady was a (BLEEP) and that the President is a (BLEEP) and that they (BLEEP) when they (BLEEP) with Ivanka who will (BLEEP) her father. Sue their poor constituents to pad their pockets so when they leave the White House they will be that much richer and untouchable.
You know there was a time in this country you could be critical of your leaders without having to worry that someone that claims to be a billionaire would sue someone that’s close to the poverty level just because they are so insecure and thin skinned they can’t deal with someone saying anything negative about them. Think about this, foreigners have more freedom to talk about Dictator and his (BLEEP) that we do here in America, the land of the free. But I’m terribly off subject here (I just hate our new Dictator…)
So I was being less transparent and stopped using names in my postings but there were still too many people who knew me so I decided to start a new blog and I called it Saudade. I worked very hard to set it up and it was hosted on WIX.com. The site was actually beautiful. But the work involved compared to the ease of posting on WordPress started getting to me so I decided that I would rather return to “Turning Things Around”. I would edit all my posts and remove as many identifying factors as possible. I will (but haven’t yet) transfer all my Saudade posts to this blog and go back to using WordPress.
As far as the “few” people I know that might still somehow be linked to this site well I guess you will still know how I am, but I’m rather stay safely in the background. Especially in this day and age when we are one madman and one executive order away from Concentration Camps. I don’t believe in god but I would like to say facetiously “God bless what America used to be before Trump began his rule. America used to be great but now its scary”
Well back to editing my old posts (shhhhhhh don’t tell anyone who I am).