2015…What’s in store?

2015 is not off to a good start for me but hopefully that will change. We are going on our 2nd cruise this February with RSVP Vacations, a gay cruise I’ve written about before. We went last February and had so much fun that when they announced an upcoming cruise on the new Love Boat, the Regal Princess we decided that even though it was probably not the best thing for us financially we would go… who knows… with our health (both my husband and I are not faring well) we may not live to see another vacation after this.  Don’t get me wrong, we aren’t on deaths door or anything and I tend to worry way more than I should… I’m anticipating a day or two before our vacation starts one or the other of us will end up in the hospital or something somewhere will come out of someplace to fuck up the trip. Maybe a meteor will fall on my house.

So right now I’m hungry. I mean VERY hungry. I wanted to start eating well 2 months ago as well as work out regularly. I’m not a woos when it comes to working out, I do go through bouts where I do it pretty regularly but I’m also 51 years old now and I don’t have a lot of the energy to go home after a hard days work and start lifting weights. What will happen is that sooner or later I will get a sudden burst of energy that will last for weeks and this burst will push me towards working out… until that one dreaded day whenMessy Baby Feeding Herself I say “Ehhh…. I don’t feel like it today” which will result in my not working out for a month or two before I get back into it. Hey… even with these breaks between workouts I still workout more than a lot of people I know so I’m not that unhappy with myself about my inconsistency… but I could do better. So back to my hunger… I am down to the wire now with my cruise being just a tad over 30 days away. I still have a gut which realistically I know will not be gone by the time we set sail, but it does not have to be as prominent by that time. I wanted to start as of January 1, 2015 as well as stop drinking… I’ll get to the latter in a minute… So on the first I did “okay” but not great as far as eating goes. I did NOT workout which was part of my plan but I did skip drinking that day… Then January 2, 2015… I drank… only because it was in the house… but I’m starting on a topic I wanted to hold off on for a few… so I ate. Not a huge amount… not snacks or junk or anything but food high in calories never the less. So fast forward to yesterday, my first day back to work after nearly 2 weeks of enjoying Christmas and New Years… (enjoying really isn’t the correct word… It wasn’t like I was reveling in the way that the multitudes of annoying pseudo Christians were enjoying… I was enjoying simply because I was not required to report to work) and being back to work I decided that it would be the true kick-off to my body conscious – cruise ship endeavor. So I drank my normal coffee yesterday morning only instead of 3 teaspoons of sugar I used 1. It was a little drab, bitter… oh what the heck “tasted bad” but was bearable and then to my surprise I didn’t eat my usual snack. I skipped my lunch… I went my entire work day without eating. Now before you started to panic and say “Starvation Mode” which I have heard so much of over the years, I did eat. When I got home I ate a can of mustard sauce sardines (which I shared with my female German Shepherd who oddly loves eating fish) and I had a 16 ounce glass of orange juice with ice. After walking with my dogs around the outside of the house a few times I was in bed by 6:30 PM and slept until 5:07 AM (yes to that exact minute). When I weighed myself this morning I was nearly 3 pounds lighter. That is the first time I have lost 3 pounds in months… I mean at one time.

About 6 weeks ago I got one of those bursts of energy I was talking about and I worked out 5 days a week, at least 45 minutes each day. I made sure I reached my goal of over 10K steps each day and I ate (somewhat) healthy… and never lost that much in one day. In fact one day I gained 2 pounds (and don’t say “muscle” because I know better). So here I am today 3 pounds lighter than yesterday. So this morning I once again had my coffee, one sugar instead of three and I haven’t eaten a thing. Its now 2:57 in the afternoon and I am very hungry… I am finding that this starvation diet is harder today than yesterday but I am going to make it, I am going to go home and eat my can of sardines and drink my 16 ounces of orange juice over ice and after walking my dogs a few times around the outside of the house I am going to go to bed… and hopefully tomorrow I will be another 3 pounds lighter…. but I know it won’t happen. I’ll be happy with 1 pound. I was nearly 30 pounds overweight. Today I am nearly 27 pounds overweight. Come on tomorrow!

I have been drinking so much lately. Too much. I’ve written about this before too. I don’t like drinking so much. Usually every New Years I stop drinking for as long as I can. Last year I didn’t do too well because of our cruise in February so this year in anticipation of another cruise in February (you know I’m going to drink on the ship) I decided to stop in October shortly before my birthday. Well I didn’t. I drank right up to New Years (not every day, I mean usually every weekend, a few odd days here and there but usually when I drink I don’t stop until I’m drunk). So we drank a lot while I was off over the holidays, almost every day but I allowed it to escalate with the knowledge and anticipation that I would be stopping January 1, 2015… which I did do. But on January 2, 2015 I decided, “Aww why not just polish off what’s left in the house” and we did. Not enough to get “smashed” but enough to go to bed with a buzz. So Saturday night, January 3, 2015 we went out to dinner and I drank beer and now that I had primed myself I picked up a 6 pack to take home… anyway suffice to say that I did not meet my goal. Now I did not drink last night and I won’t drink tonight… and I won’t drink all week… my weakness is the weekends, sitting home, bored… its a way to break the tedium and reward myself for a weeks hard work. I’m not the only one, many of my friends on Facebook (another topic I want to hit here, again) actually post pictures of their fabulous cocktails over the weekends, I just don’t go out and make it fancy like many of them do, I sit home with that vodka and orange juice. Okay so I won’t drink the rest of this week, but I don’t want to drink until our cruise. There are two main reasons for this, first and foremost to ensure that I am still capable of stopping and second to help reduce this gut before the cruise.

So my New Years is not off to the start that I wanted. But now I should have been 6 days sober and I am only 2 days sober. I should be on my 5 or 6 day of working out and I have lifted a single weight, and I should be dieting but not starving myself… I wonder how long I can really go like this?? Under 6o0 calories yesterday, I know that’s not enough to sustain a grown 190 lbs. man so I can’t maintain it too long. So the last two days, my first two days back at work for 2015 I have encountered traffic jams on my way to work, I mean 5 MPH traffic jams before 6:00 AM. That is so unusual… I mean it is really not normal… but here I got, two days in a row for the New Year and I’m late to work. UGH! I’ll make up for it but its a real pisser here with all my talk of drinking and failure and having the world do what it can to further frustrate and sabotage my existence. But as the good Christians say “This too shall pass”… At least I think its the good Christians that say this.

My stomach is growling… I need to leave for home and eat my sardines… more later…

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