I don’t want to be ANGRY anymore, I’m tired of being ANGRY, every aspect of life seems to make me ANGRY. My dog is ill…and I am ANGRY! My husband is ill…and I am ANGRY! My lawnmower won’t start and I am ANGRY! My tenants won’t pay their rent…and I am ANGRY! I can go on and on with every detail of my anger but I am just an ANGRY person. Every little annoyance can set me off. The worst part is that 95% of the time I keep it inside and don’t share my anger. I don’t tell people when I’m pissed at them, I simply avoid them. But I have so much anger. I am so ANGRY at life right now…I look at the blue sky and I hate it for being so cheerful. “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO BLUE?”
I visited my husband in the hospital today and then picked up my dog’s medicine. I was on my way home when I turned around and went to the mall. There was a bar in mall that made my new favorite drink, a specialty on their menu, a Smoked Pineapple Chipotle cocktail. My intent was to get a nice buzz before heading home to sit and stare at the 4 walls waiting for something, anything, good in life to happen. They stopped making the cocktail.
“You don’t remember how to make it?” I asked.
“Of course I do but its no longer in our system, we can’t make it because I can’t charge you for it.”
So gone forever is that wonderful new mix of flavors of hot and sweet garnish with a roasted pineapple ring…I am ANGRY!
“Give me a Yuengling”
This life disgusts me. What is the fucking point of going on without Smoked Pineapple Chipotle cocktails? As I sip my beer I look at the people walking in from the mall area with their bags of goodies, smiling, having a good time and I just want to yell “What the FUCK is wrong with you! You are living a pointless life! You are going to grow old and you are just going to die someday!!! Why the fuck are we here??? Why do you care about anything? Why are you happy???”
What sense is there in being being happy when there is nothing but misery around every corner, around every happy thought, around anything that has the possibility of being good in life. This goddamn life isn’t a gift, its a curse! I AM ANGRY! And I’m tired of feeling this way. I don’t want to be angry anymore. I want to be happy like the happy shoppers coming in to the bar to have a quick lunch before going back to their happy little homes to enjoy their happy little lives.
There is a picture of me as a child, maybe 5, it was taken at my birthday party and I’m holding a balloon, it hasn’t been blown up and apparently I had been trying to inflate it but was unable. My parents must have decided it was cute seeing their ANGRY little boy pulling on that balloon, trying to hurt it for not inflating. You can see the anger on my face. I was pissed at that balloon and I was going to make it suffer. I never understood that picture and I never liked that picture. It makes me realize I was ANGRY at a very young age, as if I were born ANGRY so you see I’m not exaggerating when I say that I have been ANGRY as long as I can remember.
So much about this world makes me ANGRY. Oh my god doe Facebook makes me ANGRY. (see: “FACEBOOK! Argggghhhh!!!!“) The people and postings on Facebook make me ANGRY. (see: “Sober… Maybe?“). Its like everyone is allowed to post whatever the fuck they was to post but let me post something and I’m attacked and rip to shreds for sharing my point of view when I put up with the most inane (and insane) bullshit and never attack them for their endless “God loves you” crap or “This is my dinner” photos or “I’m at the Gym” check-in. These people are supposed to be friends? Hypocrites maybe. “Let me tell you about my life and success but don’t you dare tell me what’s going on in your life because I don’t care.” That’s the hypocrisy of it. They force down our throats their dribble yet don’t want to hear anything from anyone else. You know I got attacked for posting about the condition of my husband. It was a very “passive-aggressive” attack but I got the message LOUD AND CLEAR.
Politics makes me ANGRY. Republicans make me ANGRY. Anti-Americanism makes me ANGRY. Religion makes me ANGRY. Creationism makes me ANGRY (see: “Waning Traditions…“). War makes me ANGRY. Hate makes me ANGRY. Traffic lights make me ANGRY. Long lines make me ANGRY (see: “At the Grocery…“). Gas Prices make me ANGRY. Slow people make me ANGRY. Wealth make me ANGRY. Poverty makes me ANGRY. Discrimination makes me ANGRY. Growing old makes me ANGRY. Young people make me ANGRY. Happiness makes me ANGRY. Sadness makes me ANGRY. Straight people make me ANGRY. Gay people make me ANGRY. Hot days make me ANGRY. Rain makes me ANGRY. Deerflies make me ANGRY. I could go on and on and on…I don’t like being in this constant state of being anger. My anger makes me ANGRY and then I get ANGRY because I’m ANGRY.
I try not to feel this way but its just a part of me and most the time I hide it or take my ANGRY feelings out on myself. Not physically or anything… just doing or saying stupid things that will result in a negative reaction which will in turn make me more ANGRY and even those around me ANGRY with me and my actions. My anger is contagious. My anger makes me stupid and my stupidity makes me ANGRY. Like this post…it will undoubtedly result in negative reaction, its making me ANGRY just writing it…so why am I writing it? Am I a glutton for punishment? Do I like doing things to make me ANGRY?? (see: “The “Shut Up” Heard Around The World“)
Something that really makes me ANGRY is that I try to be nice to everyone I meet. I try to believe that everyone is nice and I will like them…but then I find out that there was something about me they didn’t like…my looks, my personality, my atheism, my sense of humor and these people find it so easy to react in mean, hateful ways that only feed my anger. I just think I am a person that’s easy to dislike and I don’t understand it, maybe my anger is obvious to everyone or maybe its just me being angry and its reflected in my actions. Usually I find out people’s feelings about me through things they’ve said to others or sometimes they are ballsy enough to post their feelings on Facebook…rarely they say the things to my face, but they have like one asshole I knew from bowling that told me “Karma is going to get you” (See: Socially Disgraced).
I know some nasty, sarcastic, arrogant, over-sexed, back-stabbing, judgmental, and mean people who seem to be loved by everyone they meet. I listen as these people attack everyone they know in every way (when the objects of their attacks are not around) yet they seem to be so popular without a negative word ever being said about them (at least not to their faces). They bitch and complain about everyone and everything and still people worship them as gods, they are popular and liked and people seem to adore them. Sometimes they put up with nastiness for stupid reasons, like the nasty person is sexually attractive or they have money and loved for what they have in the bank account or the parties they throw. People rave about them when they are around but when they are away from them they attack them as snobs and show-offs who flaunt their money and wealth in everyone’s faces. These people who make me ANGRY seem to have a magic that makes the wealthy people and beautiful people like them, except however rich or beautiful they are they seem to be blind to these leeches (or perhaps just so shallow they don’t care how or why their sycophants adore them). Contrast this to people that adore them just for being who they are and don’t care about their wealth or sexual beauty.
The rich and the beautiful along with their sycophant bloodsuckers are attacked insensitive to the thoughts of those around them or those who like them simply because they like them. They negate and ignore the feelings of the sincere by their over-bloated egos that crave the adoration of their public. What is crazy about me is that I am a hypocrite too. I generally continue to like these leeches because I want them in my life. I want them as friends, they add variety and do help make the senseless journey through life a bit more interesting… and it makes me ANGRY that I want them in my life. I am just as shallow as those I am criticizing in this post. Why don’t I just cut them out of my life forever…why do I continue to try to see the good parts of these people?
Sometimes the adored people are young or gorgeous and the leeches just want to have sex with them. They don’t care about how arrogant or conceited their intended conquest might just so long as they can get a piece and after they fuck them they tell everyone how these same young and gorgeous are arrogant and conceited and probably a bad lay whether they were/are or not. But they still hang with these gorgeous people afterwards, never letting them know their true feelings while sharing how they feel with everyone else they know and meet to the ignorance of the beautiful person they had seduced.
Then there are those that are young and gorgeous who are so kind and unaware of the wealth of beauty and abundance of life they have been gifted, ignorant of what fortunes may lay ahead of them and the dangers of said leeches forever lurking, preying on these innocents, waiting to take advantage of their cluelessness. Then at their first opportunity they will fuck these young and gorgeous people and brag about their conquest. Often to show their superiority or arrogance they will tell everyone how bad lay their poor victims were, hardly worth the effort, or how arrogant and conceited they are only because they successfully planted their seed in a young anus.
The leeches never tell the rich people or the gorgeous people how they or other people might feel about them because everyone wants these people in their groups then need the beautiful people to be popular. They want them at their parties and want to go out with them so they can increase their own popularity in hopes that some of the popularity (whatever the reason weather wealth or beauty) will rub off of their idols and meld with their own character and obscure their true mean, nasty, arrogant personalities in hopes that they too will one day have an entourage of sycophants to worship and adore them in return.
I am turned off by money and the arrogance of the gorgeous. Maybe I’m jealous, I don’t know, I don’t feel like its because they have money or are gorgeous but because of how people react around them, all ga-ga. So often when I am around my rich friends who are truly nice or young and pretty people that are simply unaware of what they have in regards to their beauty or youth I watch how their sycophants act around them I want to scream “Can’t you see! They only like you because you have money” or “Can’t you see! They just want to fuck you so they can say ‘I fucked him, it was no big deal!'”
I’m sickened by the way some people act around the rich and beautiful. These people could hang a puppy from a tree and use it as a piñata and the leeches would clap and tell them what a lovely job they are doing. If you are beautiful or have money you can be as hateful and mean as they want and are still the center of attention celebrating life in a way they have no right to celebrate while everyone tells them how wonderful they are… at least to their faces, remember our “fake-president” Trump and his campaign slogan that went something like “I can shoot someone in Times Square and no one would care”. Well that’s the way so many of these people live. They don’t deserve what they have been lucky enough to achieve or been gifted. If you are poor and unattractive you are worthless to the lackeys of the rich and beautiful.
I don’t understand why its so easy for mean people to have the world at their feet. You would think they would be punished for their arrogance and attitude but instead they are rewarded and loved. There are rewards with by being mean and indifferent, at least in the short term. I try not to be mean… I try to be nice and friendly to everyone but know I’m not innocent of being mean myself sometimes, I am after all an ANGRY person. I have reacted negatively in the past and will act negatively again, its part of who I am…I think its my personality, I keep saying its so easy for people to be mean to me or to hate me. I guess I just give off a bad first impression but whatever the reason its seems that the ire directed towards me is automatic and not easily forgivable by those that that direct their animosity at me.
Why does it seem that the leeches can post and do and say anything they want to the adoration of the masses? I guess this posting is something that the mean and nasty would do, something for which they would be forgiven…and in turn this posting makes me appear mean and nasty… makes me seem arrogant…. makes me one of them… and this too makes me ANGRY. If I were truly the person I believe I am and want to be I would delete this posting without sharing it however these things go through my mind and are what I feel. Of course I will be attacked and quite probably never forgiven for these thoughts… and these attacks will make me ANGRY and add fuel and escalate my anger.
In the end my being ANGRY makes me a BAD BAD person… the kind of person that I would not want to know or hang with so perhaps the bootlickers of the rich, famous, gorgeous and young or simply the nasty in general are right by their reactions to those that can’t advance their personal causes, if you can’t make them look better then what good are you? No good, that’s what. Worthless… perhaps the only way to be the best person a person can be is to not be with any people at all… because as a species we are awful creatures… despicable… not worthy of our imaginary god and certainly not worthy to think so highly of our selves and this too makes me ANGRY.